Twelve years ago, I made a commitment to myself to become a better person.
That decision came in the aftermath of my sister Lisa's death in the Station Night Club Fire. After being in RI for 5 weeks after the tragic event, I was ready to come back to my life in Los Angeles. It was time to return to my home and continue my life. Very much in shock, and feeling a pull to go under, I knew that decision would give me focus... even though I didn't know what it meant.
Everyone has those moments they want to give up. When life has just toppled you over once again, and the weeble isn't wobbling. It's got too many nicks in its bottom, it's become uneven. It slants a little, and when you push it, it falls over. Every time I got pushed over, I got closer to the edge. Fueled by severe depression, survivors' guilt and PTS, for a while, the edge didn't look so bad.
That's the part you're supposed to keep to yourself - the dark, the edge. It's a hell of a lot healthier to talk about it than keep it in. Why is there so much stigma about feeling bad... about illness, about depression.
At the time, I didn't really know what 'being a better person' really meant. What I decided to focus on, was being as healthy as possible - eating less sugar, exercising, being positive. I found empowerment in coaching. I was in my initial studies at Coach U and got on as many calls as possible. It was empowering, and it was the best thing I could do.
I made a choice to feel. To tear down everything that didn't belong to me. To discard my past, including shame, guilt and 'stories' of my upbringing. To lose the charges that drained me emotionally and energetically, and affected my physicality. I emerged with more knowledge and strength than I could have imagined. My being and skill set expanded together.
My sister's death freed me, and I'm grateful for everything I've encountered.
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Copyright Paula D'Andrea - February 20, 2015. All Rights reserved.